15.  ”Hey, Brit, you know, when they told you bald was beautiful, they were talking about your hoohah.”

14.  “I’ve got you in the Death Pool dying of accidental ingestion of sleeping pills following a three-way with Gary Coleman.  Still a good bet?”

13.  “Who loves ya, baby one more time?”

12.  “Congratulations; you’ve made K-Fed look sane.”

11.  “Not to mention Michael Jackson!”

10.  “Not to mention Mariah Carey!”

9.  “Not to mention Whitney Houston!”

8. “Not to mention the Olsen twins!”

7.  “Hey Britney, now the drapes match the carpet.”

6.  “So, what was it, lice? I bet it was lice.”

5.  “Damn, that bouncer’s hot!”

4.  “Nice; that’s the Natalie Portman look, right? Except she got paid to shave her hair. And she managed to get into college. And her movies do enough box office to make Crossroads look pathetic. But other than that…”

3. “You know, if you can’t hack rehab at Eric Clapton’s house in Antigua, you really can’t hack rehab.”

2.  “I feel bad for your kids.”

1.  “”So, Brit, did you know I contribute to Top X?” (What the hell, she’s got no standards anymore…)”